Motherhood

To The Mom Struggling To Get Pregnant Again

“You are strong enough to face it all, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.”

This is a very personal and difficult post for me to write but one that I feel like I need to share. A topic that has been weighing on my heart for awhile now but I never felt quite ready to talk about until now. One that I haven’t even shared with some of my family.

Seven years ago, when I first became a mom, I never imagined that my little girl would be the only baby I would carry in my belly or feel kick in the middle of the night. I always pictured my family growing and having the chance to give birth at least one more time.

I always thought it would be easy for me to get pregnant again because to be quite honest, my little munchkin was a complete surprise. An amazing surprise but, a surprise none the less.

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So, when we decided that we were ready to add to our family, we were prepared for it to happen pretty quickly. Unfortunately, however, it just hasn’t happened for me. Even after a few different periods of trying over the course of a few years, I haven’t been able to get pregnant again.

And it has been so, so hard.

To The Mom Struggling To Get Pregnant Again

For all the mamas out there who are struggling to get pregnant again: I see you. I have been there and am still there today.

I have celebrated so many friends and family members as they welcomed new babies into the world while trying to keep it together and breaking down on the inside.

I have sobbed in the bathroom, month after month, as I realize yet again that my period has come and once again, I am not pregnant.

I have endured countless questions about when we are going to have another and what are we waiting for. (One person even asked me if we were doing it right. Yup, that happened!)

I have felt so guilty for longing for a baby when I have a happy, healthy little girl right in front of me.

I have googled for hours on end only to find that secondary infertility is a very real thing and something that affects many, many women.

I have wondered what is wrong with me and why my body was failing me.

Mama, I have felt it all.

I have felt the pain, the hope, the disappointment and the guilt. The feeling that maybe we just weren’t meant to have more children and the acceptance that it just might not be in the cards for us.

Infertility can be such a lonely place. It can feel like you are the only woman in the room who isn’t pregnant and you can’t help but feel like everyone else can conceive while you are fighting one of the hardest battles of your life.

Whether you are having a hard time getting pregnant for the first time or are praying for that second baby, it doesn’t get any easier and you carry it with you wherever you go. It never leaves.

These feelings are raw. They are real. And they are okay.

Please, know they are okay.

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You will get through this, even if right now it doesn’t feel that way.

Tomorrow, the sun will rise and a new day will begin. Let out your pain and try to focus on gratitude. Gratitude for the little things in life like the sound of the rain hitting the pavement, the warmth of the sunshine on your face and the smell of your favorite flower. Changing my mindset has helped me tremendously to heal and move forward.

From one mom struggling to get pregnant to another,

Stay strong. It is not your fault and you are not alone!

6 thoughts on “To The Mom Struggling To Get Pregnant Again

  1. Karen, I can’t tell you how much I needed this. Thank you for writing it, truly. My daughter is 5 in June, and I desperately want to give her a sibling/have another one because I think we are a family of four. Trying for awhile, stressing over the Math, hate my period, but need it.

    My daughter was not an accident and we aren’t one-and-done, but y’know, thanks for asking, strangers, ha!

    So, I just wanted to say I feel you, and I wish you all good things. Lorna

    1. Hi Lorna! Oh my gosh I have had so many people ask me questions about having only one all the while trying to deal with my emotions about it. So hard! I wish you all the luck in the world on growing your family! Thank you for sharing your story! 🙂

  2. My husband and I struggled with this for so long! The questions from well-meaning family and just plain nosy others was so frustrating. It was only when we finally decided to give up on trying and just be happy with our current family situation, that the miracle happened. Oddly enough, we found out we were expecting #2 one month after giving every bit of our baby/toddler/preschooler/school-aged stuff away. I have to say that we really had decided that we were okay. I mean really okay with just our one son. I hope anyone struggling can find a place of peace and joy with where they are. Thanks for sharing this!

    1. Congratulations! That is so encouraging and inspiring for others who are struggling with this! It is honestly one of the hardest and most confusing things I have dealt with and knowing that I am not the only one is an amazing feeling. I hope too that others out there will be able to see your experience and feel a little hope and peace with their situation! 🙂

  3. Thank you!!! We have struggled and we have done the whole fertility treatment things. The drugs make you crazy because hormones everywhere. The sadness and frustration. Finally we decided adoption is the answer for us and we have our letter saying our application is on file and as soon as we get a match they will call us. It won’t be an easy route but so far we have been through so much that another hoop is just another hoop.

    I wish you luck in your journey and to all women going through this. I wish more people would talk about it so it isn’t as lonely.

    1. Oh my gosh how exciting! Congratulations! It really can be such a lonely and dark place and something that other people tend to brush off or not realize the pain that you are feeling. Thank you for helping me not feel alone! Good luck in your adoption journey!

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